6 January 1981
My dearest Tíní1, the solace of my soul
It has been months and months that I have not been able to write you and what months have these been and all that has happened to us with smiles on our faces and bleeding hearts on the inside. Well, I do not want to write about these events. I am simply unable and incapable of doing it, nor is there an opportunity to do so, nor is it timely. We have been caught spinning in the tornado of these events with such ferocity that we are bewildered and perplexed with what is happening. And, well, when we know that this tornado is the Will of God and His Providence, what can be said other than we are content with His will and resigned to His decree.
I am so happy and pleased that you my children have all been successful in your lives. When I hear your happy and joyous voices, I become happy and feel rejuvenated and stronger. Over here, it is I who is the source of consolation and comfort of the hearts, and I know that this is an honor that the Blessed Beauty has laid on my shoulders, to be the patient stone2. All the friends seek me out, whether it is over the phone or in person. All are in need of calm and solace. Then, it is essential that I smile and laugh and turn these dreadful and mighty events into small and minuscule happenings and soften and lessen the crushing pressure that comes and help bring tranquility. God forbid that they sense a hint of sadness in my voice. Then it seems like everything falls apart. Everyone thinks that there must be a newsworthy event and soon everyone tells everyone else. Then, all of a sudden, the phone calls start pouring in. Therefore, the beloved of my heart, I have not given myself permission to face the friends with anything except a smile and a composed and calm face. And so my love, I run away from any thought of you and your father3 because these turn me into an ordinary human being. It makes me start feeling lonely and worried and these deeply affect me, and it is possible that at that very time a phone call comes, and my voice is not its usual calm-giving and consoling. So all these intense longings for you that has been building in my inner being and all the worry for your father, these I have had to put away and not deal with until a future time when the situation improves, and I am given the permission to have my own thoughts and feelings. It is because of these that I do not write to you often and seldom talk about you with others. You also do not write, and I have not been complaining. Only on occasion a letter from Náná4, the solace of my soul, arrives. Then the aroma of life lifts up from the pages and I inhale it and realize that out there in the world people live and flourish, that children grow, and their beings are full of laughter, happiness and life. And of course, after this, I return to my world and where I started from.
But, apart from this, what we are experiencing here you and others will never and under no condition be able to understand or experience. This magnificent Will of God flows with such force and power that it feels like we see the divine presence with our own very eyes and watch the hand of God as it shapes history, how it accomplishes Its objectives one by one. Then, you sense Him inside your heart and very being which leads to your own elevation and loftiness in such wise that you rise above all events and accidents. It is as if you are sitting in the balcony of a grand theater and observing and taking in everything. How small and inconsequential everything becomes! These dreadful and major happenings become paltry and trivial. One feels the grandeur of the Will of God reverberating through every cell of one’s body. O beloved of my heart!5 I am writing strange and astonishing things for you. And I know I should not. Yet, our world is now one of astonishment and bewilderment. Yesterday, I was on the phone with an old friend. Prior to the revolution we saw each other about once a year but these days the turmoil of events has brought us so close that we have become a family of half a million people6. In this family, there is such closeness of feelings, emotions, and spirit that if in a small and remote corner someone feels dejected, all the limbs and organs of the body of this half million quake. And of course, I sit at the heart of this body and feel this more than anyone else. In any case, with this old friend we were sharing our love for each other as always. Her sister and brother-in-law have been imprisoned, and her niece who of course has both parents imprisoned is with her and she is running around to try and find a solution to all of this. And then I see them and feel ashamed that I who only have a husband in prison should get sad and upset (see note 3 above)! Their spirit of sacrifice is so strong and powerful that you would be astonished.
My beloved, I am rambling on and on7. Please fill out the attached form ASAP and send it back to me. The instructions are enclosed also. See how much I had to work to get this, but please hurry so that I can receive it before February 7. I love you and dream about seeing you, Mona, Náná and their children. I am proud of you all. May my life be a sacrifice for you all. Please pray for me because I need it so.
With love, Mother
- Nickname for Artin. The solace of my soul (árám-i-ján) is often used as a term of endearment from a parent to a child. Beloved of my heart (‘Azíz-i-dil) is another similar term. ↩︎
- The patient stone is from Persian mythology and is a magical black stone that when it is put in front of someone, absorbs all their pain and suffering and protects them. When it has absorbed all the individual’s pain and troubles, it explodes, thereby setting the individual free from her or his woes. ↩︎
- Reference to Mr. Mahmoudi’s abduction as part of the first NSA on 21 August 1980 ↩︎
- Nickname for Aryana ↩︎
- Nickname for Artin. The solace of my soul (árám-i-ján) is often used as a term of endearment from a parent to a child. Beloved of my heart (‘Azíz-i-dil) is another similar term. ↩︎
- Refers to the estimated size of the Bahá’í community of Iran at the time of the revolution. ↩︎
- A Persian form of an apologetic commonly used ↩︎
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